Cassidy*Others

Cassidy had maintained her pretense of calm all through the evening, and through dinner, producing the promised casserole and charmingly accepting the compliments she'd received, while at the same time proving the perfect, polite sort of guest; she insisted on helping to clean after the meal was finished and, with much ceremony, had then turned her attention to feeding Raine her first 'solid' meal. It had certainly been quite an adventure; at first, the baby hadn't known what to do with the spoon that her mother had pointed in her direction, and spent a couple of moments whining for her bottle. But with lots of persuasion from her two parents, the youngster had finally been persuaded to try a bit of the creamed pears Cass had offered her - and once that hurdle was done, she'd decided that pears were the best thing in the world. In the end, the infant had needed a bath, because she'd learned to reached for the spoon with her fingers, and thus had pears in her hair, ears, all over her hands - and just about everywhere else, as Cass had noted when she'd found a glob of it on the infant's belly, when she'd moved to change her a few minutes later. But all in all, the evening had gone well, considering.

It had been the night that hadn't been quite so peaceful. Initially, things had been calm, and Cass and Raine had retired to the guest room with many thanks to Mary, and assurances that everything was comfortable and they needed nothing. So it might be strange to note that, come the next morning, there was a tall, thin figure stretched out on the floor beside Lanny's sleeping place, a blanket heaped over it and the small figure of Raine visible, where she was cuddled protectively in one of Cass' arms. She was still asleep when the sun finally started filtering into the room, but beside her, Raine started to make her little noises; for now, they were only the 'hey, it's morning' noises, and thus were too soft to wake her mother, but soon, they would become insistent 'feed me!' cries.

Laurence Zelkovii

With Jeff on the grill, Cassidy handling the casserole, and Mary working on dessert, the finished meal was more fit for a crowd than for four people. Out of all of them though, it was Raine who seemed to enjoy her meal the best, though whether she got more in her mouth than she did on her was questionable. Feeding her her first semi-solid meal was a fun experience for Lanny, and the two hosts more than enjoyed having a little one in their home again, since it had been some years since their own kids were this small. All in all, the day had gone very well, and when night came, Lanny was offered a blow-up mattress to sleep on in the guest room, where he could be near enough to Cassidy and Raine to help the young mother feel more secure. Come morning, where Lanny felt much better than the previous one, he was mildly confused when he first heard the quiet babbling noises of the infant so close to him. He scrubbed a hand groggily over his eyes before rolling over and taking a look around the room... and was very surprised to see who was camped out on the floor next to his mattress. "Morning, Raine." He couldn't help but greeting the infant, yet as much as he wanted to reach out and nudge Cassidy's shoulder to wake her up, as he would have with anyone else, he knew better than to pull that. Instead of risking a blade in his anatomy, or at the very least, an unnecessary panic by her, Lanny quietly mused over the young woman's change in sleeping places before he raised his voice a little louder, "Cass, time to wake up."

Cassidy*Others

Lanny's morning greeting was met with a cooing and a happy squeal from Raine, who wriggled and smiled in anticipation of being picked up - by her father or Cass, it didn't really matter. It was between this and the young man's quiet prompting that Cass finally stirred, rubbing her eyes against her arm for several moments and muttering a little nonsense under her breath before she turned her head to face him and slowly drew her eyes open. At first, there was confusion to be seen; this wasn't her bedroom or her bed, and why was Raine not in her crib? And perhaps an even more pertinent question - why was Lanny in the same room with them? After a moment though, it all flooded back into her mind, and she finally smiled sleepily, closing her eyes again just to treasure the sleepy feeling in a lazy sort of way. "'Morning... little early, isn't it?" That was a pleasant enough greeting, and she seemed calm enough - but it didn't answer just why she'd felt it necessary to travel the couple of feet to the floor and settle down beside his mattress on the floor, when there had been a perfectly good bed not three feet from there.

Laurence Zelkovii

Being greeted by such an enthusiastic squeal and coo made it very tempting to pick the infant up, but again he held back. He just wasn't sure how Cassidy would react if she woke up and saw a pair of arms in the process of picking the youngster up and away from her, and he didn't want to find out. From all that he could tell, she was still too stirred up from last night, and he didn't want to do anything that would cause her any more distress. "Morning, Cass. Personally, I'd say so, but I don't think Raine would agree." Not entirely awake and energized yet, Lanny merely propped his head up on his hand, with his elbow resting on the mattress. "How'd you sleep? I can't imagine the floor is more comfortable than the bed..." Without directly asking her, he hedged around the question.

Cassidy*Others

The young woman had to offer a smile and a soft giggle at that, which was delivered mostly to Raine as she gazed down at the infant in maternal affection. "Just wait'll she gets to be a teenager and we can't drag her out of bed with a full team of horses - then you'll beg for mornings like this one." That was a humorous analogy, but it also pointed out something significant - Cass had thought far enough down the road to the point where Raine would be a teenager, and still expected Lanny to be around and acting as her father, at that time. Clearly, she thought Lanny was in for the long haul - and was alright with that. Indeed, she seemed as though she was looking forward to it. With that covered, she turned her attention to his latter question, and shrugged one shoulder, commenting, "Never could sleep right in a bed that wasn't my own; I actually slept better once I got on the floor." That was her attempt to write off her change in resting places as something less than it was; likely, she'd either been so stirred up that she wanted Lanny's nearness, or possibly she'd had a nightmare and woken with the need to be reassured, but either way, she'd moved because she felt the need to be closer to Lanny, even if he was asleep. She didn't say it - but it was implied.

Laurence Zelkovii

Lanny noticed the comment as more than just a silly statement by Cassidy, whether she meant it as much or not. If he let himself stop and think about it, he couldn't imagine himself not being a part of Raine's life, and yet his myriad of girlfriends in the past, none of which had ever been longterm relationships, constantly made him question what kind of father he could be. Anxieties and questions aside, Lanny felt more sure of himself now, and more purposeful than he had in a long time. "Maybe, but I might enjoy being able to sleep in again." When she answered his previous question, Lanny had the inclination to say more, since he'd already pretty well figured she'd migrated down next to him for the sake of feeling more secure. And secretly, it made him feel better, to know that he could be a source of protection and wellbeing for her when she was harder than most to reach. In the end, he let her response be as it was, "And you don't wake up with aches or anything? I'm thinking about getting one of these inflatable mattresses back home. It's actually quite comfy."

Cassidy*Others

She smiled slightly, tickling the end of Raine's nose and getting a joyous laugh out of the infant. In the next second, she'd scooped the baby up and reached over to lay her across Lanny's chest, to the child's crooning delight. "I thought about plopping her on top of you when I lay down here in the wee hours, but you were totally zonked, and I didn't want to wake you up. You sleep like a two year old, you know... all splayed out, and dead to the world." She smiled more, and half-stifled a giggle, and Raine apparently thought this was very funny, even though she couldn't have begun to understand the words they were using, much less the joke; she let out with a series of coos and squeals, that went from the 'happy squeal' to the 'Hey listen, I can make noise!' squeals. That got Cass to laughing more solidly and warmly, and anything of the negative night she might have endured was quickly forgotten. "At least it has to be more comfortable than the couch; if we'd have known you were going to stay this long, we'd have tried to make more permanent arrangements."

Laurence Zelkovii

He watched her movements, and needed no directions as he rolled to the side so that he was on his back once more, where the infant could be lain safely across his chest, "Aren't you miss sunshine this morning, Raine? And you're going to let the whole world know, huh?" The particularly loud squeals and shrieks made him wince, but there was always a grin there as he talked right back to her as he would if she were speaking actual words and carrying on a conversation. "My parents always said I could sleep through a tornado. I almost did once, matter of fact." A long yawn stalled him for a second or two, lazily enjoying this morning, "Nah, the couch isn't all that bad. Much better than the floor, I can tell you that."

Cassidy*Others I beg to differ - that couch in our living room has a huge dip in the middle that you can sink into if you're not careful. At least you can't get stuck in the floor." She reached up to play gently with some of the downy-soft crimson hair that was beginning to come in on the baby's head, and shifted again, moving to pull one of the tiny purple socks back completely onto one of the bitty little feet - not realizing at the same time that she'd drawn even closer to the young man. "She's definitely a happy little one."

Laurence Zelkovii

"That's quite the story you've got going." Lanny was listening to the infant as intently as if she were speaking actual words to him, and continuing to make little remarks here and there to keep her engaged. "Oh, and looky there. I suppose that's why they created bibs?" There was little Lanny could do as the drool went from Raine's mouth to his shirt, yet it didn't bother him as it might have a few months back, or at least, he was more willing to let it land on his shirt than to wipe it away with his hand; mostly because he knew he'd be repeating the process a few minutes later anyway. "I can't argue with you on that. It takes some skill to sleep on that couch without getting lost in it." From the edge of his gaze, which was mostly fixated on the youngster on his chest, in the offchance that she might suddenly roll to one side or the other and fall off, he watched Cassidy's movements. He was more aware of them now, at least moreso than she was, but he made no remark on it. Instead, his grin eased back into more of a smile, "And a very vocal little one."

Cassidy*Others

Cass had been a little drool-fussy herself at first, being the kind of person who was very fastidious about her own attire and appearance, thanks to her former employment. But it was something that she'd gotten over quickly, in the past few months; and she'd pretty well learned not to wear any of her nicer clothes around the infant until about an hour after she'd been fed. As a result, her wardrobe had got plainer - and by association, a little more modest than was her usual. "Drool-meister," she whispered fondly, and drew her hand into the long sleeve of her nightshirt so that she could wipe the infant's face. "That's one of a select few things you're definitely talented at - among them drooling, pooping, eating... and grinning at your Daddy til he melts." She gave Lanny as smile for that, but even so, she was only half joking; she knew that the young man had a real soft spot for his adoptive daughter. Unlike Lanny, she just didn't seem too aware of the way she'd curled closer to him, even in the indirect way it had happened as she played with Raine. Her wrist and part of her arm were laying across his chest as she petted the top of Raine's head, resulting in a coo and a giggle, and bringing a smile to the young woman's face. It wasn't until she saw a pair of pale blue eyes darting toward her that her attention was drawn to the fact that she was touching him as well - and then, her eyes turned aside briefly, as a blush of color rose to her cheeks. Still, she didn't move her hand away... and finally, after a moment, she did something that surprised even herself very much; she turned a little in her place, and leaned in, giving her - well, he couldn't really be called a friend, could he? - a soft peck on the cheek. It was kind of similar to the way that she ended every meeting with Ben that way... though the purpose was to confused Ben and keep him guessing about her, and she couldn't justify that against Lanny. And just as quick as she'd done that, she was suddenly embarrassed and mentally scolding herself, and to cover that, she sat up abruptly and moved to scoop up Raine, getting to her feet. After a pause that was just a stitch too long to be comfortable, she spoke in a quasi-casual tone. "If I don't get her fed soon, the whole house'll soon hear about it."

Laurence Zelkovii

Besides his need to sport the gang colors as much as possible, Lanny's attire was rarely anything fancy, and mostly consisted of a pair of jeans and either a t-shirt or sweatshirt, depending on the weather. While his own wardrobe didn't change, he had been learning how handy bibs or even the random washcloth could be in keeping his clothes safe from baby drool and spit-up. "Melt me, Laurence Zelkovii?" For a second or two, he pulled a feign 'I'm too tough for that kind of stuff' card, only to drop it just as quickly and sigh, "Okay, I have to give her that. She's got some talent." And it was true, how close he'd become to his adopted daughter, and how easily he could be swayed by her coos and grins. A few moments later, he was forced to realize how close he'd become to Raine's mother as well, and got some insight on how she felt as well. The kiss caught him off guard as much as if she'd just pinched him, and yet he managed to retain his expression enough so that he wouldn't come across as shocked. There was no hiding a slight blush that accented his cheeks as well, which was strange, because he'd certainly kissed and been kissed by girls in the past, but this was... it was a little different. For once, he didn't have some witty little thing to say, mostly because he wasn't sure if a comment of any kind would be appropriate, and before he could think of anything, she was changing the subject and he was following along on cue, "You heard your mother, Raine. I know how quick that babbling can turn to wails."

Cassidy*Others

Oh, I have seen too many beds,
But I have known too little rest,
And I have loved too many men
With hatred burning in my breast.
I do not like you or your brother,
I do not like the life I live,
But I am me, I am Aldonza.
And what I give, I choose to give.
One pair of arms is like another
It's all the same, it's all the same!'

His tough guy act might have gotten a tease out of her on any other occasion, and likely a less-than-repeatable comment about some thing he'd said or done that completely belied his claim of toughness; but as it was, she was still too stunned by her own actions. She hadn't known then, and couldn't say now, just what had prompted her to lean in and kiss him, and wouldn't have admitted to it even if she could have defined it in a word; it had just been... an impulse. A nice impulse, and would that she would realize she'd enjoyed, when eventually she worked away from being shocked at herself for it. Oh sure, she'd kissed other men as well - undoubtedly more often than Lanny had kissed other woman, and certainly she'd been more active in an intimate sense than he had. She'd learned early on to disconnect feelings from more physical things. Kisses had always meant nothing before - received and returned with no meaning or purpose; so why did embarrassment fill her now? Shoving all these thoughts aside, she turned around and bent, shuffling Raine into one arm so that she could rummage through the bag with her free hand to come up with a bottle. "One other thing she's blessed with is lungs," she murmured after a moment, still making a definite effort to avoid the topic of that kiss, particularly as he hadn't mentioned it - she wasn't certain whether he was angry with her... or perhaps just as surprised as she was. And she couldn't make herself look at him, so she couldn't read his features - so she settled for avoiding the topic altogether. "You'd never know she had troubles with her lungs when she was first born, for her volume now."

And yet...
I like him, I really like him.
Tear out my fingernails one by one, I like him!
I don't have a very good reason,
Since I've been with him,
Cuckoo-nuts have been in season...
But there's nothing I can do,
Chop me up for onion stew,
Still I'll yell to the sky
Though I can't tell you why,
That I like him!'

Laurence Zelkovii

The fact that there was such unspoken confusion and uncertainty between them about the issue of their relationship, Lanny, even when everyone else could see what was forming between them without much trouble, Lanny couldn't say he was ever regretful about any of this. There was some stress in the mix, but he found himself enjoying Cassidy's company more often than he had in the past, and though the kiss had startled him, he couldn't help but keep smiling. It was beyond him to try and explain right now, but perhaps his tones would convey the fact that he was not in anyway upset or bothered, "She's strong like her mother." Free of the infant, Lanny could sit himself up and stretch his arms a little, trying as much as Cassidy was to keep things casual despite the fact that both of them were sort of reeling from her surprise move.

Cassidy*Others

He doesn't sound mad... no, not mad. But startled; that's the word, for sure. He's surprised - in a good way or bad, I wonder? Is he... Behind the calm facade of Cassidy, thoughts were scrambling a mile a minute, and she couldn't quite force them to a halt. To give herself something else to concentrate on, she went about testing the temperature of the bottle, finding it to be pretty decent, since she'd deliberately left the diaper bag in front of the heating vent the night before in hopes that she wouldn't have to make use of the microwave in the early morning hours, as Raine still sometimes woke up before dawn wanting a bottle. Why does it matter if he's mad or not? It was a stupid thing, anyway; I don't even know why I did that. Reflex, I suppose - I haven't woken up next to anybody but Raine for a long time, and after all, that's what I always did before I left work. That's got to be part of it. Course, I haven't worked in awhile... Trying to hide the fact that her mind was racing, the young woman forced her tones to be pleasant and casual as she answered Lanny, "You're telling me? I'm the one she kicked for nine months, you know. Well... seven and a half, anyway." So if he isn't mad, is he- Now hold it just one second, woman! What's that matter?

Laurence Zelkovii

In the young man's mind, there were plenty of questions filtering through his thoughts, though not in quite the frantic way that Cass's were, if only because he hadn't been the one to make the first move. It was a little easier for him, because the action more or less confirmed that she did 'like' him... but how much? This had to be more than 'we're just friends', or was it...? He almost let himself get distracted enough by that that he nearly missed her response. "Whoever says woman are the weaker sex hasn't witnessed pregnancy." Lanny wrinkled his nose a little at that, showing a clear dislike for the toils that he knew went along with the process, and that he was more than happy that he would never have to go through something like that. "I think one month would be enough to make me crazy."

Cassidy*Others

He's looking at you, and you're avoiding his glance; you shouldn't be doing that. It makes you look like you're afraid. A lifetime's worth of training was telling her that avoiding Lanny at this moment was very unwise, because it let him into the fact that she was confused about what she'd just done, which was dangerous - she couldn't let anyone see what she was really feeling. "It's a wise man who knows that," she answered him, keeping the conversation light and unconcerning as she directed the bottle toward Raine, and went about the business of feeding the infant, who'd gotten past her bottle-fighting stage and into a simple want to eat as much as she could get down. Stop staring at your fingers! You look positively foolish, and you're giving yourself away! You're not afraid of him; woman up, and look at him. That little conversation with herself finally gave Cass the resolve she needed, which helped her to raise her eyes away from where her fingers were holding the bottle steady and turn her gaze to Lanny again. Her faux-joking smile was in place, trying to make this light and teasing, but after so long in such constant contact with her, Lanny would know how fake that smile was; she still wasn't sure what to feel about that, particularly since he still hadn't said anything, or reacted at all.

Laurence Zelkovii

The co-lead was still grappling with his own feelings towards it, which the more he thought about it, the more he had to accept that there was only positive emotions to be found once the initial surprise was taken out of the equation. His only problem now was how to handle those feelings - not say anything, and expect her to know that her risky move was taken in a positive light, or openly address it? Now that she'd made the first move, he felt almost compelled to take a risk himself; after all, if he did nothing now, she might take things the wrong way. He gave no reply to her statement, and was silent for a few seconds before he looked back up to her with a half-grin that betrayed a rare notion of awkwardness from him, "Just so you know... I didn't mind that kiss." For as difficult as that was to say without coming across as totally awkward, Lanny felt like he must be in gradeschool again and dealing with his first crush.

Cassidy*Others

Hands touch... eyes meet.
Sudden silence; sudden heat.
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl -
He could be that boy, but
I'm not that girl.

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy;
he could be that boy, but
I'm not that girl

Trying not to clutch the bottle with a white-knuckled hand, which would have revealed her tension, Cass kept on smiling her fake smile, and turned her eyes away, down toward Raine again, to give herself something else to look at. Keep smiling, you fool... don't let it falter, or he'll suspect something. And what if he does? Would it be the end of the world? Well it could be, if... if he suspects it, and doesn't share the feeling. Cass, stop being stupid! You act like he's the very first guy you ever kissed. This sort of argument was going on just behind the sapphire-blue eyes and the all-too-certain smile... but it stopped very suddenly when finally she spoke up, halting her mind in its tracks. Her eyes darted up quickly to his face, and the fake smile faded slowly off of her face; if the situation had been any less confusing for them of already, Lanny might notice how he'd won an unusual victory - he'd stunned the clever, manipulative Cass into absolute silence. There was a long, increasingly-awkward silence that lasted near a solid minute before finally she turned her eyes aside, and spoke up again. "S'funny... I was thinking you'd be mad." She paused there once more, and didn't again try to meet his gaze. Instead, she made a vague, weak effort to joke off the significance of this. "You're not starting to believe all those rumors, are you?"

Every so often, we long to steal
To the land of 'What might have been',
but that doesn't soften the ache we feel
when reality sets back in...

Blithe smile, lithe limb;
she who's winsome, she wins him.
Gold hair with a gentle curl -
That's the girl he chose,
And heaven knows...
I'm not that girl.

Don't wish... don't start.
Wishing only wounds the heart;
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl.
There's a girl I know -
he loves her so...
I'm not... that girl.'

Laurence Zelkovii

Lanny had the privilege of feeling the spike of 'uh oh, should I have done that?' when his remark was met by a prolonged silence. In the ensuing panic that was wordlessly starting to churn in him, he stood up from the mattress and gave a half-hearted effort to fold the blanket back up. All the while, he was starting to curse himself for ever saying anything, up until Cassidy responded. He raised a sandy-brown brow and looked over at her, still wearing the half-grin, half-uncertain smile, "Mad, about a kiss? I don't think that's possible." Following his emotions, Lanny was trying to ward off the surprise and embarrassment that he could read in Cass. "Eh, let people say what they will." When confronted directly, Lanny shrugged off the question as casually as he could manage.

Cassidy*Others

"Yes it is," she answered, and this time, her tones were a bare whisper. "Trust the whore when she tells you it's possible." That was kind of an odd, abrupt way to reply to him, and she had looked up again to deliver that with sharp, stark truth as she met his eyes. For a moment there, she really did look angry... but not at him. Her eyes turned away just as quickly as they'd met his, and focused malevolently on the carpet beneath her toes. He'd headed off her embarrassment at the pass, but it had been replaced with something deeper and more volatile - loathing, and not for him. There was another prolonged pause then, until finally she squared up her voice, and asked without looking up, "And the Elders? What of them?"

Laurence Zelkovii

Where the uncertainty had been a little uncomfortable, the change towards something more bitter from Cassidy took him aback somewhat and shattered his line of thought. "Hey..." The smile vanished, and his tenure softened a few degrees, "Don't be hard on yourself like that." The Elders were a whole different issue though, who's very mention made him look away to avoid having his eyes give away any notion of trepidation. Not for himself of course... but for Cassidy, if they ever found out about her past. "Don't worry about them."

Cassidy*Others

"It is no crime to say that a thing is what it is. Harsh it may be, but it's truth, Lan." She kept avoiding his glance, unable or unwilling to meet his eyes, as much because of his kindness as it was in spite of it. "I don't know how you can say that with full knowledge of just who his father was," she hissed, and though she didn't specify 'his', this was another time when the definition of pronouns wasn't necessary between them; he knew who she meant. "Look me square in the eye, if you can, and tell me it isn't true." Her tones hardened, and she lifted her chin, daring him to say it; deep at the bottom of her somewhere, a part of her was begging for the gentle, quiet tones he'd spoken to deny her words - but her own loathing of what she'd become, and her fear of just what might happen from now on, particularly if the Elders had something to say about this... "That's easy for you to say; if ought comes to ought, they'll give you a slap on the wrist. It's Raine and me'll be out in the cold, if it comes to that."

Laurence Zelkovii

Fully meaning what he'd said, Lanny's blue eyes were fixed on Cassidy, even if she wasn't returning a look to him. "Don't let this turn negative, Cass. I meant what I said." It was too much for him to admit that he liked her spontaneous kiss more than not, so he settled for saying that instead. What was difficult for him to swallow was the reminder of the relationship that she'd had with one of their enemies, which to him still felt like a tremendous stab in the back. Only because they'd been friends since they were little kids, and because he otherwise trusted her so much, was he willing and able to try and write off that unfortunate bit of history. "Listen, they're not going to find out about Raine's father, or anything else that isn't their business to know. Let me handle all of that."

Cassidy*Others

"You can't just behave as though my life has been your average, everyday innocence, Lanny," Cass answered him, her tones turning sharp as he tried to avoid the knowledge of just how long she'd been at her profession. "I'm Atroe's best-paid, most popular prostitute; I've slept with men you knew and like, men you hated, men you never knew... men in the gang, men out of the gang, old men, young men; it's all the same. You can't just ignore it all and pretend that none of that ever happened." Raine had finished her meal by now, and in sheer frustration, Cassidy plopped the empty bottle roughly onto the bedside table and went about grabbing a rag and burping the infant. She shook her head some, and if she hadn't had the baby in her arms, she'd have been on her feet and likely pacing away from him, since she couldn't meet his gaze at the moment. At long last, she took up speech again, and her words went like this: "I'm not worried about them finding out about her father, or Isaiah's father, or any of that; you're the only person living who knows, and you've sworn to me that you won't rat me out - I believe you. That's not what bothers me. What scares me is what they'll do if... if they start to believe the rumors are true... and they don't agree with it. I'm afraid they'll see to it that Raine and I are removed from the gang's protection, and forced out of Atroe... permanently." Her voice kind of faded toward the end of that, and her eyes closed; Raine had fallen silent from her earlier happy cries and was eyeing her mother in quiet caution. "I've given my life to this gang, Lanny... it's all I have, the only thing I know. Without it, I'm just another prostitute; I wouldn't have any means of getting by, anymore. What would I do - go back to work? Bring home a different man every night? No... I'm not going to put Raine through that. If the Elders decide they don't like me, they can make me disappear, you know that - and then what would happen to her?"

One pair of arms is like another,
I don't know why or who's to blame,
I'll go with you or with your brother
It's all the same, it's all the same. '

Laurence Zelkovii

"And I can't change what happened in your past, as much as I'd like to." A bit of fire came into his tone, and it was hard to tell where it was meant to be directed at, if anywhere at all. "Arguing about it sure isn't going t help anything though." He'd always hated that she had been in that profession, and his abhorrence for it was starting to show a little, as much as he tried to keep his harsher emotions under control. "You're not going back to that job, whatever happens. And if the Elders don't approve of these rumors and what have you, well..." His face contorted slightly in an expression that was frustrated, because he knew that if they were adamant about something, there really was very little he could do about it. "...they will approve. You've been with us from the start. Just don't worry about it."

Cassidy*Others So where does that leave us, Lan? Johann can't afford to keep the both of us afloat indefinitely, if even he dared to if they decided that they wanted me out of the way. It not about what you want in a gang - it's about politics, and if the rumors are getting in the way of the politics, they'll set me aside as forcefully as they need to; and Johann too, if he dares defy them. It's... dammit Lanny, it's just going to be one big mess, and nobody's going to win." There was an impulse screaming through her that was trying to force tears into her eyes, but unlike the one that she'd earlier given into to kiss Lanny, which had actually kind of turned out nice, Cass wouldn't let this one take over - she was too afraid of what would happen then. So she allowed herself to be moved to anger instead, and her tugs upon the blanket to make it lie straight became more forceful. "I've got to worry about it, Lanny! This is my life here - Johann and Raine are all the family I've got, and no matter what happens here, it's going to effect both of them. I won't have them hurt; I'd die a thousand deaths before I'd let that happen. If I don't worry about them, who's going to? You'll look after Raine - but wait about Uncle? You hate him; and the Elders won't spare him if he gets in their way. That's how this business works."

"I'm not without a job." He reminded her, and in saying that much, let it be known that he meant to help support her and Raine both. Though while I did have a job, being co-lead of a gang wasn't all fun and games, and as his current abode attested to, he didn't make heaps of money. But if anything, he was determined to see this work, no matter what tried to get in the way of it. "We don't know what they think yet, and it's entirely possible that they won't bat an eye at the rumors, much less take any action against either of us." He could only hope that would turn out to be the case. "If it make you feel better, I'll go talk to them directly, and bypass all this fretting and rumors." The way that he was running a hand through his hair in one of his nervous gestures showed that he wasn't liking the idea he'd just suggested, yet he'd said it nonetheless, for Cass' sake. "I mean, one way or another, it's going to be brought up... I might as well get it over with."

"You're not listening," she muttered despairingly, giving a tug on the blanket again that was so harsh that she pulled it free of where it had been tucked under at the base of the bed, forcing her to leave aside her task for the moment to go fix that. "Do you honestly think they'd let you? If they decided they didn't want me around you, do you think they'd stand for any attempt on your part to defy that? Let's get one thing straight, Lanny - you're their servant, not the other way around. They're not going to put up with any temper tantrums from you, and if you try to get past them to help me, they'll take you down as well. They might like you well enough, but the gang comes first; you won't support us because I won't permit it." She shook her head vehemently, clearly determined on that aspect; whatever else happened, if she got dragged down by the Elders, she wasn't going to let Lanny go down with her. Just as quickly though, the sharpness she'd put into her tones to deny him fell away, and she let out with a low, heavy sigh, leaving aside the blankets for a moment to rub a hand over her eyes. "I don't want to fight with you, Lanny... I can just see how this is going to end, and I don't like what I'm seeing. I don't want it to go down that way. I don't want to have to leave." I don't want to have to leave you, was the implication, but she wasn't anywhere near being able to say that, just now. "I don't want to leave all this behind; I wouldn't know what to do with myself. The gang's all I've ever known."

"I'm not going to just stand by and let them do anything to you or Raine, either." His heart and determination were in the right place, though that would not be enough to protect them if things went for the worst. If it did come to it though, he was declaring here and now that he would stand by her whatever the case, whether that meant his downfall or not, "I've been around them long enough to know how to act. If they're against this, I'll at least be able to try and sway them." He'd already stopped fussing with the blanket on the mattress, and was still watching Cass even though she hadn't turned her eyes on him yet. "I signed my name on the birth certificate - you can't expect me to let you two fend for yourselves. It's not for you to decide against; I've signed up for the long haul, and I intend to stick to it." Following the way her voice grew quieter, Lanny's in turn grew more assertive, yet in a contradictingly gentle way, "Don't even talk like that, Cass. You're not leaving You've got Johann and I right here, and we're here to help you, if only you'd let us."

She was doing her best to keep her composure, but as had been noted by Johann more and more in the months that had passed, Cass had been less and less able to resist the gentle attentions the young man had been paying her. From the near-constant, quiet way he'd obsessively looked after her in the months following her emergency delivery to the way he'd stuck around long after that, to help her take care of Raine, he'd gradually been chipping away the layers of defenses - and at last, he hit home with something, forcing her to leave aside her task, and sit down on the bed. She muttered to herself for several seconds, low and fast in what sounded like Italian, which was an accent that her voice sometimes carried when she was particularly disturbed or otherwise unable to eliminate its tones from her words. After a moment, she broke quietly back into English. "Curse it all, Lanny... do you have to make this difficult?" In any one else under this kind of pressure, those words would have been tearful at best; in Cass, they only sounded very, very tired. "I haven't the concentration to fight with you... I can't think that straight. Why can't you just let me fend for myself... as I've always done before. At least that's something that makes sense." She closed her eyes and lay her hand over them again, scrubbing them tiredly, as if she hadn't just woken up. She gave another sigh, and didn't open her eyes or try to look up at him - it seemed to be more than she could manage, right now; after all, her composure was being sorely tried, as it was. "I don't understand you, Lanny... twenty years I've known you, since the day I was born... and thought I had you all figured out, like I do the whole rest of the town. But I still don't understand."

Lanny took his chances and stepped away from the mattress, moving deliberately for the bed, where he eased himself down on to sit next to Cassidy. In times passed, he would have merely stood near her, but things had slowly been changing, and he didn't think twice about putting himself close to her in an act of consolation. He couldn't make his words terribly gentle or soft, not when he was as frustrated as he was, but he could at least show his devotion and concern for her. "I could ask you the same question. Do you know how difficult it is for me to watch you do this, to try and help, and be pushed back?" In another slightly risky move, he reached a hand out to place on her arm, "If for nothing else, do it for Raine. She needs both of us, and I can't be there for her if you don't let me."

She felt his weight sink down beside her on the bed, but she didn't open her eyes to look at him; she was still trying to hide behind the frustration and the anger, and keep from feeling or showing anything more. He chose powerful words to get through to her though... words that made her draw in a deep breath, and let it out in a way that wasn't quite controlled. "You think I'm stubborn, don't you? You're right... I am stubborn. I'm very stubborn." There was another of those long pauses, where she seemed to be battling herself over what she wanted to say, and what she could say. What she felt and what she let other people think that she felt had always been two different things - right up until now, when it had all been blown to the winds thanks to her own foolish impulse. At last, she sighed again and leaned against his shoulders, turning her eyes into the fabric of his shirt, and after several more moments, she went on, "I'm not trying to push you away, Lanny. I don't want to push you away. But I've done it all my life... I don't know how to do anything else."

The fact that she didn't draw away from him or flinch when he moved in closer was a sign that his risk had paid off. More often of late, he was able to get closer to her like this, and each time, it was less of a worry on his mind as to whether or not she'd react badly to it. "I'm not going to lie... you're as stubborn as they come." It was meant as a joke, even if it came without a chuckle or more than a shadow of a grin, and one that Cassidy wouldn't see anyway since she hadn't met his eyes yet. "You've got to start trusting me more to handle things. I know I don't have the answers to everything, but if'd you just let me, I can get us through this. Just trust me Cass, because all this fretting your doing about it isn't helping anything."

With her head still laid against him and her eyes closed, it was pretty clear that the young woman already trusted Lanny to a deeper level than she dared give to anyone else aside from her uncle. Her difficulty wasn't in learning to trust him; that hurdle had long ago been crossed. The trouble was in taking that trust to the next level... to a level where he wasn't just a friend anymore, and she couldn't pretend that he was in order to keep from feeling awkward or fearful about it. In a rare breach of control on her part, during a time when she was fully conscious and able to answer for her actions, the young man might feel a tiny bit of dampness set into the sleeve of his tee where she'd hidden her eyes, and the breath she took was shaky as she listened to him speak. Probably, this had partly to do with the events of last night, between the stress of knowing perfectly well that her uncle was going to get drunk and the nightmares that had obviously gotten to her after dark, but the greater part was a fear she would neither admit nor discuss - a fear that had been long-set in her mind, of daring to trust someone, and then being betrayed. "I do trust you, Lanny. But I can't see this ending any way that doesn't get one of us hurt... and I don't want it to be you, just because you're protecting me."

The tone of the conversation had calmed down at least, yet it was still traveling in a direction that was neither happy nor nearing any resolution. And after he felt the wetness of tears against his shirt, which was not at all expected from a young woman so deadset on controlling her emotions, Lanny moved his arm away from her hand, and settled it around her shoulders instead, in a more encompassing hold. "I knew full well what I was getting into when I claimed Raine as my daughter, and I don't regret any of it for a second. I knew it could be dangerous, and I know what could happen, and I still haven't thought twice about it. If something does happen, it's not for a lack of either of us trying our best."

For once in her life, the young woman didn't flinch in the slightest or even look up when a touch settled on her shoulders without any warning; her fingers didn't twitch in the need to seek out her blades, and Lanny was completely safe in his embrace of her - she just let him hold her, and took several moments of quiet to treasure the feeling of safety and belonging that it instilled. Finally, she turned a little, and took in a deep breath to recover her control; when at last she opened her eyes again, they were dry once more. "How do you do it...? Just... forget about things and just go on as though nothing's going to happen? I never could do that; I was born into a family of thinkers, and we don't seem to know how to stop, he and I."

The quiet made Lanny a little nervous, since he wasn't sure if he'd said the right things or not. In the very least, he could assure himself that Cassidy hadn't tried to pull away from him, or worse, react badly to the arm around her shoulders. He understood the significance of it, and it only highlighted the predicament they were in, as far as their evolving relationship and what troubles it could bring to them. "I just... try not to think about the bad things so much." It wasn't the best answer in the world, and in Lanny's case, it wasn't the most helpful thing ever. His method of 'dealing' with issues was to ignore them and bottle the emotions, which always led to drinking when those emotions grew too heavy to bear on his own. "You can't let fear control you all the time."

"Alllright... now you sound like your grandmother." That was a sarcastic comment, which made the effort to move away from the deeper conversation, which was more than she could bear right now. With so much battering at her in an emotional sense right now, she felt a little overwhelmed and leery of further discussing anything related to how she was feeling, even though it was pretty clear that Lanny was already aware that the relationship between them was evolving beyond the 'we're old, childhood friends' description. Even so though, she couldn't motivate herself to draw away from his embrace just yet - she was privately enjoying being held and reassured, and was loathe to lose it just now. Instead, she smiled, and turned her eyes to Raine, who was just now beginning to make noises again, as her mother's ill mood lifted some. "If we don't 'get up' pretty quick here, our hosts are going to wonder about us. Not to mention that Raine'll start to fuss; you know how easily she gets bored."

He could sense the closing of the argument and a determined shift away from the heavier things, for which he was glad. In these situations, he was forced to stay in place and deal with his demons, rather than try to push them away and ignore them, and it was a draining process, but one he put up with as best he could for Cassidy; and only for Cassidy. "Wise woman, my grandma." Lanny easily brought a complimenting sarcasm to his voice, though he remained seated on the side of the bed with Cassidy despite the fact that the tension had started to dissipate and her tears had dried. It wasn't until she spoke of Jeff and Mary that he finally stood up, "Knowing Jeff, he's either at work already, or out in the yard. I bet Mary will have breakfast ready for us though."

The return of a more normal demeanor in Lanny, even if it was prompted by her own efforts to move away from the grimmer things, made Cass smile softly, and open her eyes to look up him from where she was cuddled against him. "Johann never liked her... she used to give him a hard time when Ma was alive, because she knew that he liked her. But I think she was maybe just trying to be a matchmaker; you know, she almost ended up with Johann, instead of my father. At least, that's what your grandma told me, and I'm inclined to believe her... besides, somebody needs to give that old man a hard time." That was a joke, and to complement it, she jabbed a little at his side with one of her fingers, in a spot where he'd been quite ticklish, when he was young. And with them moving onto a lighter topic, she didn't notice too much how his warmth disappeared from beside her when he got up; she wouldn't admit it, but she'd liked sitting close to him for those moments. Still, she didn't seem disappointed that it was over with, because she was getting to her own feet and finishing up the task she'd started in making the bed, though more gently and with less violent tugs now. With her newly-careful touch, it took her little time, and in the next second, she was scooping up Raine and scrubbing her nose against the infant's, earning a delightful squeal as she whispered, "Eskimo kiss," and then shifted the child toward Lanny. "Here... I'm going to take my things and get dressed really quick; you'd better wait outside."

"Is that so? I don't think I'd heard that story before, but it doesn't surprise me." The poke at his side made Lanny flinch dramatically and swat at her hand, "Hey!" Apparently, he was still every bit as ticklish now as he had been when he was little, if the sudden flinch and the following laughter didn't make clear. By the time he stood up from the bed, he was grinning again and feeling the weight of the argument starting to lift away. "I'll probably be in the kitchen by the time you're ready. Should I get out any of Raine's food?" The young man was backing towards the door already, ready to step outside and wait after he'd gotten an answer from her.

"So your wise grandma says," she confirmed with a nod, and a smile to indicate that she found this a little amusing. "Mind you, if you mention it to him, I'll deny it til doomsday." And in the next moment, she had a powerful reason to laugh aloud, which she did without so much as a pause or a note of forced-amusement - she hadn't realized he was still ticklish. "Oh, you shouldn't have done that... now I know your secret," she teased, and faked another poke in his direction before that bout of light-hearted playing subsided. "She should be alright for now... but maybe when breakfast is over, we can try some more solids; I think there're apples in those jars I gave Jeff, somewhere. Now scoot." And with that, she gave him a playful shove out the door, though not hard enough to make him fight for his footing or risk dropping Raine, and shut the door firmly behind him.

"I don't know, I think he might want to hear that." He teased back, though he would never repeat such things to Johann anyway. He still didn't have the best rapport with the older man as it was, and certainly didn't do any joking around with him like he did with Cassidy and, well.. just about everyone else. "Me, ticklish? Nah." Of course, to contradict that statement, he did jump and make an overly dramatic move to get out of her way when she reached to poke him again, which more or less confirmed the fact. Now at the door, with a much softened expression compared to the one he'd been wearing up until this point, Lanny waited only for her response before he ducked out of the room. Past the door, his voice carried through, "Once you're done in there, I'll be in the kitchen."

With one last roll of the eyes and a sarcastic, "Yeah... right," Cass scooted him out the door and shut it, leaving him with Raine for a few moments. If he listened carefully over the sound of the baby's babbling as she tried to garner his attention, he might hear a soft sound from within the room; Cass was apparently humming to herself as she dressed. This went on for several minutes before finally the door opened and Cass emerged - dressed in an outfit like Lanny had never seen on her before. On her feet were common tennis shoes, chiefly white and blue in color with long, clean white laces that indicated that she had rarely, if ever, worn these shoes, and the rest of her was clad in a pair of blue jeans with a small hole in the left knee, and a dark green t-shirt that featured a Mario Brothers logo and the quote, "Here We Go!" in big, bold letters. All that long crimson hair was pulled back from the face in a ponytail... in other words, she looked just like any other slightly-tomboyish young woman - except that she was always perfectly attired, and this ensemble, while perfectly decent and not repulsive, was about as far from normal for Cass as could be imagined. Crossing toward the kitchen just as though she expected no reaction out of anyone, she moved into the room and reached to take Raine. "Good morning Mary - I hope I didn't keep anyone waiting long."

Lanny had been right about Jeff - the man was already at work this morning, so it was only the young co-lead and Mary in the house, along with Sampson, the couple's sorely overweight dog of unknown breeds. The jovial tan mongrel was sitting expectantly at the side of the table with his tail thumping nonstop against the ground, and his black-sprinkled muzzle following Lanny's every move. The young man was starting on a bowl of cereal while Mary was frying a pan of hashbrowns and bacon, and both looked back at Cassidy when she walked in with a greeting. "Good morning. No, I only just got up myself, about an hour ago. Help yourself to some cereal if you'd like, and you can have some hashbrowns when they're done." She may not have said anything about Cass's getup, but Lanny had both brows raised high into his forehead, "I didn't know you were a fan of Mario and Luigi." Of course, it was the outfit as a whole that struck him, but the red and green-suited brothers had his attention first.

"Thanks - cereal sounds wonderful," Cass answered, smiling and helping herself to a bowl and a seat beside the young man. Beginning to pour the cereal with that distinct 'ping' sound that only cereal can make against a ceramic bowl, she went on, "You'd be surprised - but we very rarely have cereal in our apartment; Johann likes to cook, you know. Can't tell you the last time we had it." With only that ceremony, she poured milk liberally over her food, took up a spoon, and began to neatly shovel her breakfast into her mouth. Lanny's comment got her attention though, and she looked down at her shirt as though she'd forgotten what she put on. She shrugged a little, and told him, "Who doesn't? We've got an original Nintendo back at the apartment, up in our closet somewhere, and told, way-back-in-the-day Mario Brothers. On rare occasions, we still dig it out and play. And it's hilarious to watch Johann try to control it; for a man who spends so much time on the computer, he stinks at video games."

After already begging a few frosted flakes from Lanny, Sampson edged over to Cassidy and placed his muzzle across her knee, giving her the typical 'puppy eyes' of a dog wishing to get some food. "I've found cereal is handy for when your kids come back home and bring the grandchildren with them." Mary explained, while idly shuffling the hashbrowns in the skillet as the slowly darkened to a toasty brown. "Sampson, shoo! Out!" After looking back and seeing their pet begging for scraps, a few stern words got him to scoot away from Cassidy and slink off... until Mary turned back to the stove, and he was free to shuffle forward again. "Are you kidding me? I haven't played that in ages." Half of what Lanny said was muffled by the cereal in his mouth, "And I'd pay to see Johann play. A good old game of mario kart would be hilarious."

"Don't even get me started on grandchildren, Mary," the young woman said with a laugh, having to reach for a napkin to catch a dribble of milk that escaped her mouth when she giggled. After she'd wiped her chin dry, and darted a quasi-serious glare to Lanny, daring him to comment on her lack of grace, she went on, "I can't tell you the ribbing Uncle's been giving me since Raine was born, about me making him into an old man." She grinned, and reached with one finger to scoop an extra-soggy bit of cereal out of her bowl, and extended her arm until she could pop it into the waiting mouth of Raine. Smiling as the infant began to gum the food to death, Cass then reached down to pet Sampson briefly before Mary shooed him, and returned her attention to Lanny. "It's kind of ridiculous, actually. Bless his heart, he can't steer. Makes me wonder about that man when he drives."

The older woman looked over her shoulder with a smile, "Don't let your uncle fool you Cassidy. He might give you a time about it, but you know he's got to be thrilled to have a grandchild." He wasn't technically her father, but as they all knew that Johann had raised Cassidy and was more like a father to her than anyone, Mary thought it was only fitting to give him the distinction of 'grandfather' for Raine. While she was turning back around to tend to the frying breakfast, Lanny made a face at Cass' lack of grace, even if he already had a wet spot on his shirt from spilling milk, and had more than a few bits of cereal on the table instead of in the bowl. "I can't fathom how someone so smart with computers can't handle a video game. Although... I guess I can't come close to doing what he can do with technology."

For once, Cass didn't even get defensive went someone outside her little trusted group made a comment about her family; perhaps it was because of the little talk they'd had a few minutes earlier, but the young woman was feeling much better this morning than she had last night. So she merely smiled, and murmured, "If there was ever a question to that, you should see him when he stretches out on the couch for naps with her... I've never seen a man try so hard to look like he's not enjoying himself, right up until the point where he falls asleep, with her tucked right up under his chin like a puppy." It was a cute scene that she'd run across several times with the old man; Johann had a few snapshots of his own, rather as Lanny did, though she certainly would admit that to neither man. "I honestly think it's got to do with his systematic personality; he's used to a puzzle, where he has to use strategy and wits - not hand-eye coordination. Mario Kart's just a little too easy for him to handle."

"Some men, they try to act all tough and macho," With Johann, it wasn't 'tough and macho' so much as it was a necessary stoicism that fit well with his job and personality, ",until they think you aren't looking. Would you believe I caught Jeff talking to that old stray cat that sleeps in the shed?" Lanny gave a short laugh, "That sounds like blackmail material, for both of them." And then he was nodding to Cassidy, "I guess that makes sense, but I still say those games are a lot funner than that technical work he does. Plus, you can brag about winning a game."

"Yeah, they do, don't they?" That was offered quietly, with a sly look at Lanny when Mary had her back turned; the young man was definitely one of those that was awkward about revealing that he had more tender emotions to offer, though he had certainly never been as bad about it as many were, and was getting better all the time as he got closer and closer to Raine and her mother. In the next second though, her smile warmed, indicating that she didn't mind this quality in him; after all, it was something that was a feature in herself, now and then. Instead, she told Mary, "You know, that really doesn't surprise me all that much, to tell the truth. I remember him with the kids, when we were growing up. Now I didn't know that extended to cats, but he's got a gentle side, for sure."

The pointed tone and look from Cassidy spurred a mock-defensive one from Lanny, who screwed up his face and gave her a 'I don't know what you're talking about' glare. Lanny did have a bit of the 'macho' side to him, mostly relating to his position in the gang and a need to come across as tough and unflinching, but Cassidy had seen that there was a much gentler side of the young man, and in fact, most people knew it as well, though few understood it as well as Cass. Mary was still watching the hashbrowns and bacon when she spoke next, actively stirring and flipping the bits of food, "You should see him with the grandkids, now that's a hoot! I admit the cat things surprised me; he's a dog person."

"I honestly think it depends on the animal more than anything," the young woman answered, while scooping another soggy flake out of her bowl to pop into the waiting mouth of her daughter. She completely ignored the look she got from Lanny, mostly because she knew that the macho was definitely outweighed by his gentler side where she and Raine were involved, and went on, "I'm not much of an animal person of any kind... but who could resist Sampson there? Right Sampson?" She addressed the oversized gentle giant with a smile, and then returned her attention to her cereal, taking hearty bites as though she were thoroughly enjoying it, which was really surprising since she had a bird's appetite and rarely ate much food, even when she liked what was being served.